Sofia learned the “C” word and I’m a crappo blogger

She is obsessed with “bad” words, collects them, and has ever since she learned to spell. Claudio and I used to spell to one another when having a conversation in front of her we didn’t want to hear.

“I think that guy is in P-O-R-N,” I said.

“Porn!” Sofia screamed. She was 4. She has never forgotten it.

In the back of her journal she has a list of all the biggies: The F-word, A-word, S-word. A dude cut me off in traffic the other day. We rarely curse in front of the girls. When C and I met, I had a potty mouth and he said he didn’t like it so I stopped cursing overnight, cold turkey. With an occasional slip.

“What a dick.” I said.

“DICK!” And she wrote it down.

I can’t have her cursing; she’s 8. But when she does try them on for size, they come out all wrong. She has no context for them:

“He’s a dick porn.”
“What a god-damn ass shit fuck.”

I’ve put the kabash on cursing. I’m old fashioned, or maybe a hypocrite.

So, she only had one big hold out. “You don’t know the C-word.”

“Tell me the C!”

“Never. I’ll save your innocence.”

Tonight we were watching clips from Bridesmaids, because she asked me what I’m like when I drink alcohol. I showed her the clip of the girl sneaking into first class. I know, Bridesmaids. But I needed her to know about what I look like drunk, and I couldn’t think up any other great movie moments. (Feel free to comment if you have a goodie.) Then I clicked to the jewelry store scene with the C-bomb. I didn’t see it coming and couldn’t mute in time.

“Cunt! That’s the C-WORD! My list is complete!”

Bridesmaids. Not a teaching tool.

Sofia finished 2nd grade today. She wrapped up math 6 weeks ago and last week she finished history; Grammar was the holdout. Ask her to tell you the list of all prepositions, alphabetized and she will rock you through aboard, about, above, across…all the way to with, within, without. Who knows if it will do her any good in life, but it’ll be fun to scream drunk at a party if she takes after me, and if she doesn’t, still, 2 hours a day and she can name all the parts of speech. I freaking love homeschooling the girls, and if anyone gives me guff about it, I’ll have her scream out all the helping verbs and then drop the C-bomb when the socialization question comes up. How’s that for socialized?

I love reading homeschool blogs. My fave right now is this family from Vancouver who are sailing and homeschooling on the open sea. The Wet Edge inspires me and also makes me feel small. They’re at sea! With kids! But hell, I’m on another world-wide adventure with Claudio. And my love for their blog makes me remember I have a blog! A sad, neglected, sorry-ass blog. So here I am.

Check them out:

Sofia is sitting at her altar now. I hear her banging her meditation bowl and chanting. I did not teach her how to do this. I hoped to get her an altar and to somehow bring reverence into some conversations, but without prodding, she has gathered rocks, fairy statues, buddhas and takes the altar with us on the road. Lily is asleep and hogging my whole bed. I’m in a slice of heaven.

This entry was posted in Homeschooling. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *